Last week (12/16/2008) I had the most painful process to date with this fertility stuff. From my last post, the FD performed a diagnostic hysteroscopy at which time she found some more polyps. After the diagnosis, she wanted me to come back in to have them removed. At first, I was angry. Why do I have to do this again so close to surgery?
It wasn't until the actual date of my appointment that I found out why. I was concerned being there in the first place. I knew that it would be painful. I was prepared. The nurses started to administer an IV and some Valium to relax me. Oh, glorious Valium - my long, lost bosum buddy.
I was able to (somewhat) coherently express my concerns to the doctor and my lack of understanding with doing another surgical hysteroscopy so close to my actual laparscopy date. She kindly explained that they wanted to make sure the polyps are not cancerous. Oh, the "C" word.? Okay. Do what you have to.
Now, I am getting loopy. I feel like my lips are not moving but words are coming out. They get all the "machinery" set up down there. And proceed to cut away the polyps while they administer Demerol. The Demerol doesn't really take away the sharp pain entirely, but it takes the edge off. I am moaning and breathing through the pain. The nurses kindly talk to me to keep my mind off what's going on. Nice nurse-ladies.
Finally, the FD is done and shows me the little vial of polyps. The substance reminds me of orange juice with red floaties not much larger than....floaties.
Sigh of relief....miserable pain is over.
Makes me want to seriously consider the idea of having my kids natural.
Dec 22, 2008
Dec 9, 2008
Never Give Up, Never Surrender
If anyone can guess which movie this blog title comes from, I will be genuinely impressed. First, because this movie rocks and then you'll rock too. And second, because nobody has really heard of this movie, other than my family who quotes it relentlessly. And don't just Google it. That's search-cheating.
I know I haven't updated in awhile. A lot has been going on...a lot of nothing. I had another consultation with the FD. Basically, she does these often throughout treatment as checkpoints to make sure we're on track for the ultimate goal. Which is conception.
This last consultation was a little depressing/discouraging/frustrating. The FD decided to perform an ultrasound to check my ovaries. And a cyst is back. Yes. That little guy pushed right on through the hot flashes, vaginal dryness (T.M.I) and mood swings to swell on up. The FD explained that there was a total of three cysts on the left ovary. She was able to successfully remove two. The third was attached to my bowels. The FD didn't want to mess with the bowel area, since as a Daley (maiden name for those that don't know) we already have enough "bowel problems". Not really. Inside joke for all the Daley bottom-problems out there. So instead of removing this cyst, she aspirated it. This means that she drained the fluid from the cyst. Sometimes this helps and the cyst does not return to normal size. I guess I'm that rare case.
To move forward with the medication coupled with in-vitro might cause a problem with the cyst. The medication needed prior to egg retrieval is supposed to induce ovulation (produce more eggs than normally occur in a month's cycle). The end result is that in most cases cysts are produced. Those women already with cysts could potentially mean cyst rupture. Ugh.
Next step? The FD would like to do an in-office aspiration on the cyst with guided ultrasound. Drain the cyst again.
She also suggested surgery again, but hinted to the fact that it will be an actual incision this time. Translation: Double-ouch, long recovery. This option is no bueno with me. Surgery again? Recovery again? I just can't see me signing up again for that so quickly. Now I wish she would have just removed the left ovary. The right doesn't seem to have same problems as the left. It's like these ovaries are twins. The left is the evil one. It doesn't mind. It doesn't respond to treatment. It behaves erractically. Like with all evil twins, you should get rid of it.
I told the FD that my main concern was to get a baby, without additional surgery. She agreed. And we are moving forward.
***Moving forward to last weekend***
While shopping in Target, I saw an old high school friend. She's not old, just the high school experience is. Before this chance-meeting, I had not seen her since before the birth of her first daugher nearly 2 years ago. She has also experienced fertility issues/problems/junk. We had a good, long talk near the Customer Service island (thanks BJ!). And she was able to provide a lot of needed words of wisdom and encouragement, which leads me to the title of this post. Before parting ways, after our lengthy discussion, she said that often times she will look at her daughter and think, "What if I gave up? What if I decided to quit? What would I be missing out on?" And it made me think, no matter the trial, no matter the difficulty I never want to give up. I will have a family. I never want to give up hope. Hope is something that builds our faith. And I've sure hoped through a good many things throughout this endeavor. Never give up, never surrender.
I know I haven't updated in awhile. A lot has been going on...a lot of nothing. I had another consultation with the FD. Basically, she does these often throughout treatment as checkpoints to make sure we're on track for the ultimate goal. Which is conception.
This last consultation was a little depressing/discouraging/frustrating. The FD decided to perform an ultrasound to check my ovaries. And a cyst is back. Yes. That little guy pushed right on through the hot flashes, vaginal dryness (T.M.I) and mood swings to swell on up. The FD explained that there was a total of three cysts on the left ovary. She was able to successfully remove two. The third was attached to my bowels. The FD didn't want to mess with the bowel area, since as a Daley (maiden name for those that don't know) we already have enough "bowel problems". Not really. Inside joke for all the Daley bottom-problems out there. So instead of removing this cyst, she aspirated it. This means that she drained the fluid from the cyst. Sometimes this helps and the cyst does not return to normal size. I guess I'm that rare case.
To move forward with the medication coupled with in-vitro might cause a problem with the cyst. The medication needed prior to egg retrieval is supposed to induce ovulation (produce more eggs than normally occur in a month's cycle). The end result is that in most cases cysts are produced. Those women already with cysts could potentially mean cyst rupture. Ugh.
Next step? The FD would like to do an in-office aspiration on the cyst with guided ultrasound. Drain the cyst again.
She also suggested surgery again, but hinted to the fact that it will be an actual incision this time. Translation: Double-ouch, long recovery. This option is no bueno with me. Surgery again? Recovery again? I just can't see me signing up again for that so quickly. Now I wish she would have just removed the left ovary. The right doesn't seem to have same problems as the left. It's like these ovaries are twins. The left is the evil one. It doesn't mind. It doesn't respond to treatment. It behaves erractically. Like with all evil twins, you should get rid of it.
I told the FD that my main concern was to get a baby, without additional surgery. She agreed. And we are moving forward.
***Moving forward to last weekend***
While shopping in Target, I saw an old high school friend. She's not old, just the high school experience is. Before this chance-meeting, I had not seen her since before the birth of her first daugher nearly 2 years ago. She has also experienced fertility issues/problems/junk. We had a good, long talk near the Customer Service island (thanks BJ!). And she was able to provide a lot of needed words of wisdom and encouragement, which leads me to the title of this post. Before parting ways, after our lengthy discussion, she said that often times she will look at her daughter and think, "What if I gave up? What if I decided to quit? What would I be missing out on?" And it made me think, no matter the trial, no matter the difficulty I never want to give up. I will have a family. I never want to give up hope. Hope is something that builds our faith. And I've sure hoped through a good many things throughout this endeavor. Never give up, never surrender.
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