No Offense...It Just Needs to Be Said

Trials are fun, aren't they? After they are over, we often take a moment to meditate on the experience with a new sense of gratitude. We quickly realize that we have a loving, Father in Heaven, who wants to abundently bless us - but the plan will take a little more time. That's all...time. And, we have all the time in the world when you think about it.

But, honestly, this doesn't seem like a trial anymore. At first, it was. I'll admit it. It was hard not being able to see the pee-stick read positive. But, this was before I knew anything was wrong with me. Before I had information provided to me with steps laid out. Before, I knew that the Lord is in control of all things.

My "trial" pales in comparison to others with fertility issues. Some women lose children well into mid-pregnancy stages. I believe that would be difficult. Some women will lose children after they lived for several years through disease or by accident. I believe that is difficult. But mine? Not even close.

Which is why it bothers me when I hear people complain. Maybe they have to come to a realization like I did. And for some, this may take awhile. For example, I have a good friend who is soon to have her first child. This friend and her husband tried for two years to conceive and this child is a miracle - it just happened. No fertility help, just plain good luck. I am happy for her and provided support by attending her baby shower. Like a good friend, she mailed me a thank you note. Inside, the card expressed great appreciation for actually coming. Confused, I kept reading and she explained that a close friend of her declined to attend due to the fact that it would be too hard since this close friend was experiencing some trials in the kid department. I was shocked.

What if I never got married? Would I never attend another reception or wedding because it might be too difficult for me? No, because that would remove the focus of the attention on the one who should be happy because of their situation and not upset or sad because of yours.

I sincerely apologize if this offends any readers of this blog. It's probably two people. And to those two people - sorry.

I feel like a junkie

I received my medication in the mail Saturday (02/21/2009). I was extremely worried about getting them on time since my treatment start date was 02/23/2009 and I was required to bring in all the medication so they could go over instructions. What a relief to know that everything was received as planned. I'm sure the office in London got pretty sick of hearing, can you assure me it will be available by treatment date? When I last called Friday (02/20/2009) still worried about not getting my much needed medication, the rep said I could always buy what was needed locally and then return anything unused back to London with a FULL refund. PLUS, I wouldn't be required to pay shipping...the rep said their office would take care of the costs. Good to know for next time. However, next time if I know treatment is in two weeks I would rather pay the speed shipping cost. With the money I am saving, what's an extra $30? Honestly!
**Sidenote** I was saddened to see on my recent credit card statement, where I purchased the medicine, that I was charged $71+ for a Foreign Transaction Fee. Hello? Geez, these banks are really hurting for money. I decided to call the credit card company to see the reason for the charge. In my eyes, the charge is ridiculous. The charge was made somewhere in Panama probably in a tiny mud hut, but it was charged US dollars. No conversion necessary. But, when I spoke to the rep, all she said was, "It's the credit card company's policy. Sorry." And then silence. Okay? And, I proceeded to tell the rep that we'll be closing our credit card with them once the balance is paid off which I assured the rep would be sometime before the Apocalypse. So there! Mlnah! {tongue sticking out for those of you concerned what mlnah is}

The initial treament appointment was done by IVF Nazi and she was surprinsingly nice. Maybe too nice. Like, she would say things and then fake a smile. Like a HUGE fake smile and it reminded me of the chesire cat from Alice in Wonderland - she would even force-squint her eyes. Okay, lady... I know when I am being fake-smiled at! Stop it young lady, RIGHT NOW. But, she was fake-kind enough to go over all of my medications and when I would be using what. And what needle went with what medication. How to draw the medication from one needle and then switch to the smaller needle for comfort. It was all very imformative and I was excitedly taking it all in.

As of this morning, at about 6:30A I did my first injection. I was a little nervous but mainly because I was in a closed stall getting all the little parts ready. Opening the needle package and opening the alcohol swab and clicking my pen and giving the injection. I even brought my biohazard bin to work so that I could safely dispose the needles. IVF Nazi said I would be in big trouble if the needles were thrown away in regular trash. Trouble, like, trouble with the law? Are you saying I could go to jail? Man! All the risks involved with just getting a baby! I'm not sure I'm ready for it.

The following is a list of medication for the next 4 days:

::day 1:: Follistim 150iu - twice/day AND 2 Femara in the morning, 2 Femara in the evening
::day 2:: Follistim 150iu - twice/day AND 2 Femara in the morning, 2 Femara in the evening
::day 3:: Follistim 150iu - twice/day AND 2 Femara in the morning only
::day 4:: Follistim 150iu - in the morning, Menopur 2 powders to 1unit water

Next scheduled appointment: 03/02/2009 - checking hormone levels

One Step At A Time

So we're getting close. We're nearly there. Well, not quite.


Initially the doctor did not assume that I would start my cycle until the end of January or early February. Hello January 19th!!! Let's just go full throtle here. Not too excited that the dreaded flow was back loud and clear, but greatful that some progress is soon at hand. The FD put me on some Birth Control over the next month. This is to prepare the uterus AND to prevent follicles from forming too quickly.


Now here comes the exciting and expensive part - ordering hormones. Thankfully I have a friend who has been through this process and she referred me to these wonderful people. They are based out of London and the cost of medication is slashed by almost half the cost of what it would be to order in the US. The reason for this is the government subsidizes the funding for medication overthere. Translation: Healthcare for everyone...the governments way. So, why not take advantage of it? I sure did. And I am happy so far. Shipping is only about $40 and it will take about 2 weeks before all of my medication arrives. Nice.


I had a terrible experience, though, just trying to get a list of medications (protocol) requried from the Fertility Clinic. The IVF coordinator is on some power trip. I initially called her to ask some questions about the medication and, bad choice #1, told her I was going to order overseas. She was quick to tell me that ordering overseas was probably not a good idea since they "take your money and probably don't provide correct medication." I assured her that a close friend of mine has ordered from the same place and never had any problems and a specific clinic in Scottsdale actually prefers their patients order from this location to cut costs. Obviously, that was not the best response because she started retorting the list of medications and telling me which ones I could order online and those that she would not accept subsitutions. Needless to say, I was shocked. Plus, I don't do well with confrontation. When people start coming at me I cower in a corner with my nose to the wall, shoulders hunched over, shaking uncontrollably. Alright, well not that bad - but just about. It's hard for me to be confident in confronting the person if I have no clue about the subject material. I end up blabbing, "Durh, durh, well, durh..." and that gets me no where, surprisingly. So, I accept her crappy medication list and decide what to do. When I let Brad in on my debate with IVF Nazi he told me to basically told me to call her back (which I knew I needed to do) and demand for answers and medication lists. I couldn't just do this on a whim. So I start psyching myself up. I run conversations in my head and possible scenarios incase the back and forth doesn't go so smoothly. Then, with pulse racing and moist palms I call. Luckily, it was IVF Nazi's day off and the receptionist said she would give her my message.


Then to my surprise, I receive a return call from the head nurse at the clinic. When I explain to her that I need a complete list of my protocol, she says, "Sure, what's your fax number?" If only confrontation was that easy - I would change my calling to a lifelong politician. Now, I have my list. I don't think anyone can completely comprehand the elation that I feel when I have something that wasn't initially given to me before. It's like, nanner, nanner, nanner.


So, I've ordered my medication. I have an IVF class coming up this Thursday morning. I hope it's not like Lamaze class and they teach us breathing techniques through implantation. Sheesh!