How am I expected to be stress free?
With the not-so-great outcome from our latest IVF cycle, I need a break. A break from worrying about numbers. And medications. And timing. And appointments. And tests. I just need a little bit of a break and my husband doesn't understand.
Last night at FHE, Bradley asked me, "Now when did you start your cycle again?"
Me: "Uh...I dunno, I can't even remember. Let me look at a calendar. Why do you want to know?"
Brad: "Well, we need to plan around ovulation."
--->Enter Crazy Tara.
I begin telling Brad that he needs to understand that I don't welcome that amount of stress. He then has the gall to ask if I even want children! Er....duh! Of course I do. Desperately. But I realize that my stress levels will not assist the conception process. Let's be relaxed. Let's be happy-go-lucky. Let's just go with the flow.
IF we followed the whole check-the-calendar-pee-on-LH surge-sticks-checking-ovulation process, I will still go through the same emotional upheaval for the last four years. I'd rather just be like the normal "fertiles" out there that just let it happen, when it happens. At least, for a little while. I'm not saying do that for the rest of our lives and never use expensive, yet medically sound, methods. I guess I just need some time.
I want a family. I really do. But, I also need to focus on myself. Sorry, going to be a little selfish here, honeycakes! Once I feel emotionally stable, we'll move forward and be more committed to the baby cause. Right now, it's time for Tara to ger hers. I apologize if this sounds cynical, ridiculous and selfish, but that bikini bod will not just appear magically!
