Have I said this before?

I think people are too worried about offending other people. I believe there is such a thing as being too honest, but I don't think that should keep us from being too concerned about saying this and that. What I have realized is that there are varying degrees of those that struggle with infertility. Outsiders don't mean to be insensitive or to offend. But as an infertile person, I try to give others the benefit of the doubt.
One thing is for sure, we are not excempt from trials during this mortal life. It's what we signed up for. It can be unfortunate or fortunate, depending on how you look at it. Of course, no one can have a positive outlook all the time. With trials come heartache, frustration, sadness, anger and questioning. But, how long we dwell on the negative feelings that accompany trials will be our true test. This isn't the moral of the story.
I am confused and frustrated with a set of rules that are unnecessarily projected on others as a way to treat infertile women. I have found these rules on several different blogs. While the order may change and some rules are different, they are all the same: be aware of those that are infertile and be prepared with your etiquette before you approach them.
I have the list of rules I have found online listed below and my concerns with the rules. Remember, I mean this in total love. I am not trying to tell others that these rules are dumb. It's just that maybe they don't complete apply to me.

1. Do not complain about your pregnancy
Hey ladies, you complain all you want! It looks hard, it looks uncomfortable and sometimes you look like you could use a three-day nap. But complain! You have the right to do that. It's your body and your experience. If you're having a tough day...let it out. When the time is right for me, I'll probably complain too.

2. Ask before sending a baby shower invitation
Not necessary. It's like asking permission to be pregnant. You've done the deed now let's celebrate. It's fun, exciting and exhilirating about the impending arrival of a new life. Send out the invitations, let the person react in their own way. It's up to them to decide how they feel there is no need to make that decision for them.

3. Don't ask when someone is going to have children, no matter who it is
This is just part of the Mormon culture. There are always going to be those sweet, innocent, older Relief Society ladies that like to get nosey. They are the same ladies that will give you that behind-the-shoulder-downward-glance when your kid is acting up in church. It's inevitable. Try to think of a funny response, "Oh, well, we just enjoy naked-Sundays too much."

4. Recognize positive contributions that are not related to childbearing or rearing
I don't think I have even seen or heard of this. When I think of people putting limitations on others abilities, I think of Sheri Dew. She's never been married. But I would never think of her as someone who could not accomplish a great deal because of this. Remember, part of God's plan includes increasing our knowledge (both temporally and spiritually), helping others realize their divine potential and increasing our devotion to our Savior.

5. Realize that infertile people can be sensitive to the undertones of your comments
Now that we are in the adoption process (very early stages), I hear countless stories of how once a couple adopts they become pregnant. Mormons are storytellers and like sharing amazing experiences with others, especially when they think its a similar situation. Remember, benefit of the doubt. They think they are helping.

6. Don't minimize their pain
Someone can only minize my pain if I let them. I have to be honest, this has happened sometimes. If one of my nieces or nephews is acting up, my sister in law will say something like, "Are you sure you want to have kids?" I almost feel like she doesn't appreciate what she has. But, I can't control how she feels about her own kids. I can only control how I feel about my situation.

7. Don't gossip about your friend's condition
The thing with gossip is that you aren't a part of it when it's about you. It's not until you hear from a friend from a friend from a friend that something was said. And even then it's not good to get all "OH NO SHE DI-INT!" People are going to talk. You can't control their behavior.

8. If you're a mother, please don't complain about how you hate Mother's Day
I think this goes the other way as well. I don't understand how some infertile women find it difficult to attend church on Mother's Day. Don't they have a mother/mother-in-law/grandmother/aunt they could honor? The term mother doesn't only apply to having and raising your own children. You can be a mother by being a kind teacher in nursery/primary and to the young women of the ward. You can be a mother to your nieces and nephews. If you want to be honored as a mother-in-training, then make it day about you. Otherwise, try to focus on someone else for a change.

9. If you want an update on your friend's infertility treatments or on their adoption search, please respect them by asking them in private
Some people are private, this I know, so you'll have to gauge for yourself based on each individual couple. But, I believe I am a pretty open person, especially since I have a public blog dedicated to all things "down there". However, if you want to take about womenly things I think that's a private matter. I don't think most men want to hear how heavy my monthly cycle is. Gross. Even I don't want to hear or think about it. Gross. But fertility treamtents in general cause all modesty to be thrown out of the window. It's like stirrups are no longer frightening and having my hoo-hah exposed for 30+ minutes is no longer a big deal.

10. Please have patience with your infertile friend
I don't try to label myself as infertile. I am a friend who happens to be infertile. I am a friend first. I am a sister first. I am a wife first. But, patience IS a virtue. Women who are infertile are pillars of patience. You probably don't even understand how freakin' patient we are. Like, really. REALLY. But, patience requires faith. Faith that the Lord has a plan for his children. We patiently wait for our turn at the blessing of a family - whether in this life or in the life to come.

Either way, I am happy. I am not bitter. I am not going to be sad and burst into inconsolable tears when you announce you're pregnant. I am happy with the way my life is right now. Of course, it's not completely ideal, we all strive for better things, but I am happy. I am happy because I am married to a wonderful man who I have been sealed with for this life and the life to come. I am happy because I know that families are forever. If that is just me and Brad forever, I am happy.


::Mosiah 2:41::
And moreover, I would desire that ye should consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God. For behold, they are blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual; and if they hold out faithful to the end they are received into heaven, that thereby they may dwell with God in a state of never-ending happiness. O remember, remember that these things are true; for the Lord God has spoken it.